The Myth of the Natural Parent

Week 2 of the “Parenting is a Skill” Series

There’s a myth that used to quietly follow me around in the early years of parenting.

It whispered that I should just “know what to do.” That I should be calm, intuitive, selfless, perfectly present. That real parents didn’t lose patience. That if I was doing it right, I wouldn’t feel overwhelmed.

The truth is, I’ve felt overwhelmed. Many times.

And yet, I now know I wasn’t failing. I was just bumping up against a myth — the idea that great parenting is natural, effortless, and instinctive.

It’s not.

Sure, there are moments when intuition kicks in. When something clicks. When I can read my child like a book. But more often, I’m learning as I go. And most of what makes me a present and grounded parent today didn’t come naturally. It came from practice, reflection, and plenty of repair.

The myth sounds like this

“You’re a mom, you’ll just know.” “He’s just a natural with kids.” “If it’s this hard, you must be doing something wrong.”

But real parenting, the kind where you show up even when you’re tired, when you apologize after raising your voice, when you hold a boundary while your child kicks and cries, that kind isn’t natural. It’s learned. It’s earned. It’s built through experience and care.

And it’s messy.

What I wish we said more often

Parenting is different for everyone. What comes easily to one person might take time for someone else. Feeling unsure is normal. It doesn’t mean you’re unfit. It means you’re thoughtful and engaged. Love might be instinctual. But patience, emotional regulation, communication, and consistency are skills.

This week, I’m reminding myself, and maybe you too

You’re not behind if this doesn’t feel easy. You’re not broken if you need help figuring it out. You’re not less of a parent because you didn’t just know.

You’re doing something incredibly human. You’re learning how to raise another person while continuing to grow yourself. And there’s nothing more real or courageous than that.

Let’s Reflect What parenting moment made you realize this wasn’t just about instinct? What’s one thing you’ve learned that you once assumed would come naturally?

I’d love to hear from you. Drop a comment, send a message, or just take a quiet moment to reflect on how far you’ve come.

You're building a skill. You're not alone.

—Kristi